I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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