Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
