dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
