My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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