I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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