I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize