We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
