I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
