Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
