I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
