i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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