Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
