Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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