dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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