There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
