I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
