she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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