He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
