It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
