oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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