never play flip cup with pint glasses
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
