do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
