It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
