You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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