I think I am morally bankrupt
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
