# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
