Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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