The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
