Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
