those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
