Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
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My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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