glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
