I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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