you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
