Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
