McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
