That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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