What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
