We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
