you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
