Say something about gay babies.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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