Where did you get a picture of my penis
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Pants are for mortals
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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