five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
