Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
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I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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