So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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