I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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