All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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