omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
