i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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