yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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