i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
