I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My ATM looks so different sober.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken