I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.