My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
