kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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