p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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