I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
