brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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