Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
