And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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