Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
