About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
