the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
