i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
