I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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