My first STD was from a foam party
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
