omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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