he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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