Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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