My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you had me at cake vodka
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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