dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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