I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
