If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
