How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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