if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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