I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
