you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
