Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
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