i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
