did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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